Managing a “Sheldon”; and people
I thought that I would write about managing a crisis and my experience of it, and the people that revolved around me and my crisis. I like names and have called my crisis “Sheldon”. As per the character in The Big Bang theory. A complex thing, and naming it takes the power from it.
A gift from friends, who I affectionately call the “Pigs” - read below.
Recently I underwent a personal crisis of large proportions which impacted upon me and people around me. It was all very surreal, unpleasant, and as I reflect back on it all and the people, I muse and ponder. Events needed me to take time out in July, August, and September as I was quite ill and if honest was erratic in behaviour, especially to those who know me.
It is now September and I wanted, with some time on my hands, to write this blog entry as a way of hopefully helping and educating people, and to say a big thanks to those people who helped me in this time of crisis.
(Don’t hesitate to contact me if you want more information.)
Biz as usual - Found Us
It is business as usual with Found Us and prior to the crisis did place two senior Directors - one a Executive Creative Director, the other a Marketing Director. So all was good. Just an indication of how a crisis can hit out of nowhere. But as I will explain, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and you have to get back on the horse so to speak.
A Crisis - A Sheldon
Don’t let a “Sheldon” (crisis) baffle you.
I named my crisis Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
In July and August I was in a mental, spiritual, and physical hole. A rather big hole in fact. Life had ground to a halt. I won’t detail the exact event(s) in this post for reasons of privacy. But will approach it more from a conceptual point of view and do hope that is okay with readers.
I now realise that you have to view life as flux, constantly changing, and that a crisis is as much a part of life as is a success. I think I learnt that I could and certainly should have handled the crisis very much differently from the way in which I did. But I did not. Lesson learnt and experience gained.
One ought not over-react, under-react, or fall to bits as I did since Sheldon is just another part of life’s rich tapestry. But we all learn.
Before a Sheldon (crisis) walks into your life
These tips should help you identify when you are heading into a crisis.
A crisis can be self-made (as in my case) or it can be externally created. Treat both in the same way.
They are a natural part of life and should not be placed over and above normal events.
It can be really helpful if you able to spot warning signs of an incoming crisis, especially if self-driven, just by looking at yourself.
Are there any triggers that you know of - self or external - that stimulate a crisis? And have they occurred?
Do read up on emotional triggers, oh so important, but they vary with individual.
Have you spotted anything unusual in you routine, behaviour, or approach and attitude to life?
Have people you know said anything? Sometimes you are not aware you are heading into a crisis.
A mood and thoughts diary. We are all busy and life flies by, or so we think. Make time, you have it, to write down moods and thoughts. Some of you may raise an eyebrow, but it does work. Firstly you are able to put down on paper things that may trouble you and in this process remove the power or confront what challenges you. Secondly and importantly, you see patterns of thought and behaviour, and this is vital for spotting a) you are heading into a crisis, b) or a self-made crisis.
Do look at PositivePsychology.com for this really, really useful article and templates: https://positivepsychology.com/thought-diary/
It does seem that people in Advertising do like to press the so called “F**k it” button and self destruct. A friend told me recently that working in this business for a number of years does take its toll…..
Sheldon/Crisis Management - the 3 R’s and RADAR
A crisis will hit you no matter what since these are the lives we live in Advertising. And when it does hit these acronyms may help you formulate a plan to help manage your crisis, and avoid falling to bits. They become habit. But be aware that I did not use what I had painfully learnt over years. Doh!
The 3 R’s run as follows. You can say them softly to yourself as a reminder of holding it together in a time of difficulty.
Retreat. Stand back and detach from the crisis and do not wade in or disintegrate.
Re-think. Take yourself away with yourself and collect thoughts and analyse.
Respond. Act when you have all the information you need or can get. Note we do not use the word “react” as this is a more aggressive word.
Another more detailed acronym is RADAR, which I particularly like. View it as your early warning system.
R. Realise that there is a situation or problem or crisis. Daft as it sounds, you may not be aware there is one. Don’t go into a pity party as I did, as you avoid positive action that could be needed. In a similar vein don’t take an ostrich mentality and bury your head in the sand. You cannot run away from life. And yes, I know this is easier said than done.
A. Accept that there is a crisis. No running away, avoidance, or procrastination. I did not act quickly enough and procrastinated. Which set off a chain of events over which I thought I had no control.
D. Detach from the situation. If you are in the middle of the crisis, it will overwhelm you, So you must down all tools and take yourself away mentally and spiritually from the crisis. Maybe even physically. But don’t isolate - see next point.
A. Ask for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I did not or was unwilling to ask for help and this only made things worse, in fact very much worse.
R. Respond to the crisis. We do not react as this can lead to impromptu aggression or jumping in before assessing things. Which Advertising people are prone to do. Governing your response will be your core values that you live by.
A good book to assess your morals is Finding Your Moral Compass by Craig Nakken.
If you are a follower of The Big Bang Theory you will understand and know Sheldon. Try to deal with your crisis like Sheldon is dealt with. Ignore, cajole, bully, fight with, humour, and so it goes on… Point is that in the series they don’t always let Sheldon get his own way. Do the same with a crisis. Don’t let it get it’s own way. Give it a name and take power from it.
I failed this time initially, but did recover my direction and walloped Sheldon, but I DID NEED help; remember this.
People and Resentments
It is funny when a crisis hits which people come into your life and those who do not. But I now realise that this is par for the course. People are people and those who are friends rally around you. Those who don’t are fair-weather. Try to remember Rudyard Kipling’s poem If and in particular the first stanza.
Resentment? Holding a resentment to a person who has not been there for you is normal and understandable. Behind the resentment is fear. And what is the fear? It is fear of not being liked, of not being wanted. But read below.
“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:”
Yes, it is about digging deep and holding your head high as per the stanza. You have to recognise that people will hold harsh thoughts and use hard words. But like the stanza I learnt that you need to be understanding of people and how they react in a crisis or a Sheldon. People will desert you, and you will realise who your true friends, business associates are. It is a hard, very hard lesson to learn. But a vital one. Vital for survival in that you must plod on and not deal in lies or retaliation; you won’t change them.
And you must also ask and take help from true friends. Be grateful for the help and do not be an island or a desert. There are only but a lucky few who can be “solo” are survive.
Gratitude
THANK YOU to all those people who rallied to my cause, and all those people who sent me 50th birthday cards.
Changing “things” and Insanity
A definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. How you approach another Sheldon (crisis) has to be different if it all went pear shaped previously. I know I have to at the tender age of 50. Break the cycle, it is oh so important. Don’t repeat the same actions. I used the same techniques because I’d become complacent, lazy, and did not believe in myself. I have made changes to thought, behaviour, and examined.
Epilogue
Where am I now? On a path to recovery after a proverbial kicking from life. And I am sure I will have a few more to encounter on my journey through life. But that is life, and I remember this. Tasting pain makes life rich for its experience. I have learnt and feel richer in myself for the battle fought, the experience gained, the true friends shown to me. Those that were not there I make my peace with them, disappointment and hate fuel resentments.
“What is my life for and what am I going to do with it? I don't know and I'm afraid. I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life.”
Sylvia Plath.
The Pigs
For years my friends and I have referred to ourselves as The Pigs. I have backpacked around Croatia, Bulgaria etc. etc. etc. And had many adventures with them. True friends and comrades in arms. Thanks for the wonderful t-shirt that is the image of this post!
A “wee” Bibliography
Finding Your Moral Compass by Craig Nakken.
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.
Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut.
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller.
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.