People (their fallibility) and Maslow.
Where do I start on emotionally handling people and their fallibility? It is both a long one but also a short one. It intrigues me especially when working as a consultant dealing with people all the time. People have wants and needs. This is what I have learnt.
All of us have wants. Not all those wants match.
Needs and Maslow
It is worth noting that this thinking was re-ignited by a recent crisis that I superbly mishandled.
Wants can be translated into needs as a core element of being a human on this planet revolving around its Sun. What I discovered recently is the following, after dealing with a personal and existential crisis where I did not manage my needs and that of others.
We all have common needs. For example water and food. Getting a job, across to paying the mortgage. Some are animal driven, some society.
But as individuals we have unique needs, governed by our uniqueness and environment (which has shaped, governs, and dictates to us.)
The needs dictate our behaviour, and for the observer govern how we interact with individuals in order to achieve our needs.
For further reading on Maslow and needs please see the useful material at SimplyPsychology.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (taken from SimplyPsychology.org.)
I have learnt, whilst reading up, refreshing, and thinking, the following.
I have no control over people, places, and things.
I have control over my needs, and thus my thinking and behaviour.
I can only work with people to achieve their needs and so achieve mine. Some are shared. Most are not.
I ought not to be upset across to angry when my needs are not met by others, as they are only interested (yes, a bit of a generalisation) in their needs. This is CRUCIAL to understanding why people let you down and why you ought not to get upset, angry, or frustrated.
Once you understand needs you can then grasp EMPATHY and make a reasoned decision and not one judged and consumed by emotive feelings when dealing with someone. What are their needs? What are yours? Are they aligned? If not, then you will undoubtedly be let down. But do read on.
So what do I mean by infallibility? And what is the context after my recent Existential CRISIS?
People let you down, are not there, talk badly of you, are cruel, desert you. Blah, blah, blah. I see this regularly in the head hunting sphere that I work in. I, sadly, am let down all the time by people. But I now accept this. And note the word “accept”.
There will clearly be self interest on behalf of the individual who seeks his needs and you will lose out where your needs are non-aligned. But this is not always the case. A person and their needs will override yours even when aligned. It is the way of the world and part of life.
Alright Mr Cobley, you waffled on about the science, so what do I do? Show me the bacon!
Well firstly read the content as to needs and Maslow on SimplyPsychology.org as it is thought provoking and allows for initial scratching of the surface of this topic. But you need real answers in how one should act.
Adopt a style that identifies a person’s needs.
Understand your own needs.
See if you can align both sets of needs to create a mutually beneficial working relationship. That way you maintain control of the interpersonal transaction, but not to the detriment of your opposite as that is not morally correct.
Accept that a person’s needs may break the needs “contract” you have. Don’t get p****d off or upset or throw a tantrum. Re-negotiate the contract.
Accept that a person may continue to operate outside of the “contract” and it then comes down to how you react.
Tit for tat does not work.
Be prepared to walk away from the contract and put it down to experience.
Remember if you have analysed needs prior to working with someone you can then make a judgement call as to whether to work with them. If such a relationship is to fail then don’t!
People will f**k you over, especially in this game, and you have to accept loss and time wasters etc. as part of running a business. It is just how it is. Build in a percentage of loss if you can model such a figure. Accept it as the norm.
And if you are getting your needs met, despite what happens, does it really matter?
